A Second Life

“A second life begins with the moment that you learnt you only get one life and one life only. ”

I don’t know where it comes from, but I love it as much as I love every quote I has collected from all kinds of books. Today, I took photos of the books I have read in the past two years. Astonishingly, there are one hundred books in the lab that I have finished reading. It surprises me a lot because I never counted it and I always thought it’s nearly waste of time to read that much, no matter how thankful I am to this experience. Although a lot of my juniors are impressed by my achievement, there is a little part of me condemning it for the lack of the jobs and internship.

I used to blame myself for not making the right choices. I should have turned down this offer and found myself an internship, or at least to find some part-time job. However, as time goes closer to my graduation, the righteousness inside me start to take over and the guilt has gradually died out.

I realize that I can’t blame anyone, including myself. This was what I wanted to do and still is what I love to do. The only reason that I tried to find something wrong with this decision is for not being able to get a Master’s degree. I love studying and I love to study with my professor. However, my family and my debts are chasing after me. If I keep studying, it will ultimately cause the situation to go worse.

It’s what poverty can do to people. You need to fight and struggle harder than anyone else in order to get what you want, and even though you do, you probably couldn’t get what you want. Life is unfair, for a lot of people needn’t to worry their future and can have the privilege to find what they want to do.

Don’t get me wrong. I will never blame my mother or father for this affair. My mother only got passed high school and my father couldn’t even get his junior high’s certificate of graduation. They have struggle so hard to make a living and have provided everything they could afford to help us finish our education. I love them, and I feel so grateful that they didn’t abandon me like other teenager parents would have done at their ages. It’s hard enough for them to survive but they still took care of my brother and me with their best efforts. We have decided to devote everything to get them what they have expected in their entire life: A house.

Maybe after four or five years, I would come back to school, but I know it’s not the right time. If I want it, truly want it, I believe that the universe would have mercy in me and my family. I would try my best making money and getting back to the society.

After three weeks’ uncomfortable and sorrow, I finally get the answer from the bottom of my heart. I need to be true to myself. What I want now is to help them get on tracks, giving them the dignity and pride that two people in their forties could have had if they chose to have kids later.

That’s why I love this quote. I feel myself reborn into a new universe, getting the whole new idea in the last minute.